Talk to the mirror, choke back tears``CARRION

[Sheila Louise Bradel]

PICTURE HERE 400 WIDTH IS BEST

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I'M THE NEW CANCER[/B][/size][/font][/size]

•• N E V E R • L O O K E D • B E T T E R ••[/i]
A N D Y O U C A N ' T S T A N D I T
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Sheila pulled into the driveway slowly. Carrion would hate if anything were to happen to his precious BMW. He didn't love it as much as that charger, but it was still worth a pretty penny. And Sheila drove like a typical woman.

The entire ride home had been a daze. Honestly, she couldn't remember how she got here so quickly. She had too much on her mind, forcing her to go into auto-pilot mode.
For starters, she had just witnessed Carrion on the job, killing her only friend, Alice. Poor Alice, Sheila kept seeing her face in the rear view mirrors.

It's all in your head, Sheila, pull yourself together.

Second was the fact that Carrion was about to come across her pregnancy test. Though it was negative, she was sure it would be a hot topic once he arrived home.

Home. A weird word to describe this place.
When Sheila first moved in, it was hard to tell anyone lived there. Other than the very limited amount of dust or dirt of any kind. It took about a week before she got the courage to fire up the stove, she wasn't even sure it worked.

Though Carrion was against her homey decorations, (he even denied her attempts to hang a wreath outside) she had made her small efforts to make it more like a 'home'.

As she walked to the door, key in hand, she felt a chill go down her spine. No matter how many candles she lit or how loud she put the TV, this place was empty without him. It would be empty for another three or more hours, and she'd be damned if she'd go to sleep before he got home.

As Sheila entered the house, she turned off the alarm and made her way to the master bedroom, stripping her clothes as she walked, leaving her shoes by the door. She needed a hot bath and a much needed aroma therapy session. It was a mint sort of night.

Turning on the faucet, Sheila absent-mindedly added bubbles and oils to the water, filling the room with a cloud of perfume. Once the tub was full, she dipped her small toes in the steaming water, settling down with a large exhale. This was what she needed.

And she wouldn't protest if Carrion was there with her....

An hour later, she was at the kitchen sink, sipping a glass of red wine and heating up last nights dinner, her hair hanging loosely over her shoulders, still wet from the bath and her robe was all she could manage to cover herself with. Clothes weren't her favorite thing in the world, but she tried to be a woman of modesty. For potential neighbor visits or door men. Sheila laughed, Carrion wouldn't even order a pizza.

please come home soon....

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• B E C A U S E Y O U S A Y S O •
UNDER YOUR BREATH[/b][/size][/font]

### WORDS | COMPLETE/INCOMPLETE | TAGS | OUTFIT
LYRICS BY PANIC! AT THE DISCO | TEMPLATE BY ARRO
NOW GIVE THEM A NICE NOTE HERE!

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[Carrion Rogue]

Rest with me and I'll comfort you
I've lived and I've died for you
Abide in me and I vow to you
I'll never forsake you.

The rest of the night had drug on in a haze of painkillers and too-many papers. Carrion Rogue, unparalleled tracker and formidable foe of the asylum, felt like his head was going to explode. He'd slipped into supply closets periodically throughout his shift, searching for something a little stronger than the shit in the over-the-counter bottle he'd been throwing back. Lucky for him, he'd found a few forgotten prescription bottles and had made them his new best friend.

But he still felt like his skull was imploding.

He'd been sitting in the same spot for hours going through file after file of the newest asylum patients. Now the black marks on the pages seemed to be in a foreign language and his vision swam. It was the final straw. He was going home.

It was close enough to that time anyway, he deserved the damn reprieve. Not to mention Sheila's little massage trick would do him a world of wonders right now. Otherwise he might be stuck in bed for a few days.

He might want to warn Lore about that before hand.

The head guard of the asylum, Lore Archer, was a pretty laid back man and Carrion respected that. He also knew about Carrion's strange 'Light sickness' (Lore's term for it, not Carrion's.) which came in handy - all Carrion would have to do is inform the man and then be on his way home to a certain beautiful woman.

Carrion gathered his things quickly, intent on setting out to locate the odd guard and get out as soon as possible. Luckily, Lore made his job easier at that moment by popping his head into the otherwise vacant conference room. "Rogue. You headed out?"

Red eyes met blue and Carrion raised a brow at the man. "Yes, as a matter of fact, I am. Can I help you?" Lore shrugged a shoulder and stepped further into the room. "Do you have the file on patient 1569? I need it. Apparently they've been acting up again."

Carrion slid a few papers out of the way and passed the folder over to him. Lore grunted in appreciation and turned to leave but paused when Carrion called out to him. "The light illness is back. I'll be out for a few days." Both men were terse to each other and Lore gave him a curt nod before exiting the room.

He grabbed his jacket and aviators and was out the door, make his way down to the lockers where Sheila's purse was located. After making sure no one was in the room, he slipped in and hurried over to hers. He put the combination into the lock and popped open the latch. The door swung open silently, but with it came Sheila's open purse. She must have just sloppily thrown it in there at the beginning of her shift, and unfortunately for him, it spilled out at his feet.

With a pained sigh, he bent down and began replacing it's contents; a pen, her wallet, lipstick, a pregnancy test.

Wait.

A what?

That did it. His vision began to tunnel and fireworks burst behind his eyes. Not to mention the wound in his thigh. Everything hurt. He picked up the little plastic contraption and stared at it for a moment. Was she...? He couldn't even bear to think of it. He would make such a horrible father. Not to mention how it would affect their still-new relationship.

But how the hell was he supposed to read this thing?

His vision wavered even further and he shook his head. He'd just have to confront her about it when he got home. Maybe it was a false alarm.

Hopefully it was a false alarm.

He stuck the test in his jacket pocket, shoved all the rest of her things in her purse then hurried out to where his Challenger waited for him.

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Once he turned onto his street, he flipped his headlights off and whipped into his driveway. As he rounded the smooth bend, he could see several lights on, indicating that Sheila was still awake and waiting for him.

Good, he needed to talk to her immediately.

He swung easily into his parking space and killed the engine. A deep breath in. And out. He'd get through this night one way or the other. He was a tough man to kill.

But it was apparently easy to scare him.

He grabbed her purse and his things and stepped from his car, locking the doors behind him. A second later he was hurrying up the steps, pausing only momentarily to unlock his door and kick his shoes off inside.

"Sheila!"

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[Sheila Louise Bradel]

Sheila had preoccupied herself with her food and wine, working on her second glass. Her head felt better and the racing thoughts had stopped. For a second she didn't feel as lonely, she felt like a normal woman who's significant other worked odd hours.

Odd doesn't even begin to describe it. Sheila rolled her eyes.

Their relationship and it's beginnings were very odd. Meeting in the basement that smelled like burning flesh, him in an arm chair and she completely out of her mind, covered in a patients blood. That was a match made in hell. Though, Sheila had admitted to herself time and time again, she didn't think any other meeting would have been so.. memorable.. A brief grin touched her lips as she forked the last of her meal and pitched it into her mouth.

God she was a good cook.

Just as she was about to walk lazily to the living room, she heard the front door open and then a very loud (well, for Carrion) call of her name. Oh no. A chill straightened her spine to an uncomfortable point. Something wasn't right. Had he found it? The test? Or was it bigger than that? Were they in danger? There was no telling when it came to Carrion.

Sheila chugged the rest of her wine and bravely walked towards his voice.
"Yes?" She said cheerfully, hoping he would calm down if she were calm. Although she wasn't. Inside, her body was tingling and her thoughts felt like they were running around her head so fast that they were making their way down towards her fingers and toes. Like there wasn't enough room in her body for them all.

Her small feet made light creaks in the floor as she searched for him, finding him in the living room where she had wished to go relax. Something told her that moment wouldn't come for a while.

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[Carrion Rogue]

Rest with me and I'll comfort you
I've lived and I've died for you
Abide in me and I vow to you
I'll never forsake you.

Carrion quickly shed himself of his suit jacket and threw it over the back of his plush couch. It was an unusual action for him but he was in too much pain to care. Usually, everything in his home had a specific, perfect place and if it were to be moved, it would be placed back immediately after. He was borderline OCD when if came to his things.

He ran a hand through his long hair and tried to slow the trembling in his fingers. This night had gone to hell and back twice on things that were supposedly supposed to be routine. The floorboards creaking under his lover's slight weight sounded like nuclear bombs to him and he sat down heavily on the couch a moment before she appeared.

At first she seemed cheerful, but even on his worst day, Carrion could read her emotions like an open book - She knew what he'd found. In that instant he wanted to grab her and go completely against his character by railing at her, but he forced himself to remain seated, simply staring at her instead. Anger wouldn't solve this situation, it would only make it worse. But logic didn't calm his swirling emotions so he turned to his Black Cloves - sticking one in his mouth and firing it up.

It was several moments before he was able to speak to the quite obviously nervous female before him, and he lowered his gaze before he did. What if she said that she was pregnant? He couldn't handle a child. Not here. Not now.

Not ever

"Is there something you need to tell me, Sheila?" His voice was always like an anchor - steady and calm no matter what was going on in his head. He always sounded at ease and he hoped that she couldn't read him the way he could read her.

[Sheila Louise Bradel]

Sheila gulped and folded her arms across her chest. He had found it, there was no doubt about that. The look at his face was calm, but she couldn't look past the darkening of his eyes, his way of showing anger.

She might as well be direct with him. They had been around and around all day. Right now wasn't the time to play cat and mouse. She was tired, and she imagined he was at the point of exhaustion.

"I knew you'd find it. You'd be happy to know it's a negative. No need to worry about having to fucking deal with me." Sheila walked back towards the kitchen, suddenly feeling under dressed. She wrapped the robe tighter around her, the string hugging her waist.

Of course she knew that a child with Carrion would come with much more than she could be willing to bare, but it still hurt her that he'd never entertain that idea. What they had was special, at least she thought so. She doubted she'd ever find anyone else like him. Sheila was the ordinary woman in some aspects, and part of that called for a dream of a family. Of course she wasn't quite ready for that dream to happen, they were still in the beginnings of a relationship. But why had she chosen the hardest man in the world to love?

It was a mean trick.

"I started taking birth control about a week ago so I wouldn't have another scare. You're welcome." She said, almost to herself, though she knew Carrion would hear her. His ears were like a dogs.

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[Carrion Rogue]

Rest with me and I'll comfort you
I've lived and I've died for you
Abide in me and I vow to you
I'll never forsake you.

The test was negative. Negative meant...

She wasn't pregnant.

The gears in his head turned slowly as he finally came to the correct conclusion. Relief slammed into him like a runaway MAC truck and he could do nothing more than widen his eyes and take in a shaky breath. He wouldn't be a father.

He sent his thanks to whatever god of fortune that was gracing him today.

Even as she stalked out of the room as if angry, he couldn't bring himself anything else but relief... and confusion. She'd known? "If you knew, why didn't you tell me to begin with? This could've been avoided." He called, struggling to his feet to trail her into the kitchen.

He paused as her soft words drifted back to him and frowned. She was assuming things again, like she tended to do in situations like these. Rubbing at the knotted muscles in the back of his neck, he entered the kitchen.

"Don't you think we should discuss this? Of course our relationship is still new, but obviously things such as this can happen. We may not be as lucky the next time around, even with you taking precautions such as that. Don't walk away from such important matters."

[Sheila Louise Bradel]

Sheila sighed and turned towards him, her back arched against the counter.
"Because I didn't think it was a big deal. Telling you I even had a pregnancy scare was the last thing on my mind. The last thing I wanted was for you to freak out, go all 'walls up' and not touch me again for fear of it." Sheila was insecure to Carrion which was not like her at all. No man had ever controlled her emotions, and no man was ever worth the worry. But Carrion was someone, the only one she trusted. At least for so much...

"As lucky? You say it like it's a gun shot... being pregnant is a god given right to me. Don't treat it like it's a bad thing. Maybe a child would be good for you. Since the love I have for you doesn't seem to help much!" Sheila stopped abruptly and widened her eyes. No, not since she could recall did she ever tell Carrion she loved him. Of course, she'd been thinking it for weeks, but she wasn't sure how he'd take that in verbal delivery.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you.." She stammered out, her eyes downcast in defeat.

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[Carrion Rogue]

Rest with me and I'll comfort you
I've lived and I've died for you
Abide in me and I vow to you
I'll never forsake you.

A child? Good for him? Not likely. Carrion was an analytical thinker while children tended to run off of emotions, not logic. They would end up crying and he'd be in way over his head trying to process what could possibly be wrong with them.

Not to mention he didn't remember his own parents or even his childhood; how was he supposed to parent someone without an example?

Plus, their relationship was too new. They hadn't even had a chance to fall in love...

Wait. What did she say.

Her love for him?

He stared at her incrediously for a moment, locking his jaw to keep it from dropping. Did she just tell him she loved him in a roundabout sort of way? Surely it was a mistake. No one could love a man like him. Either she misspoke or she was delusional. Loving him was impossible, even more impossible than him being a father.

"Sheila...Do you...?" He grimaced, unable to bring himself to say the word aloud. Do you love me? He could only hope that she understood him enough to answer because he sure as hell couldn't speak any longer.

Love was an odd concept for him. He only had four years of his life that he could remember. In that time, he had never once felt anything other that pain, lust, blood thirst, and anger. Until recently fear, happiness, sadness, and all the other emotions were the stuff out of fairy tales. Useless baggage that he didn't need.

He'd never experienced love so how was he to know what it felt like?

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[Sheila Louise Bradel]

Sheila was almost too scared to lift her head to his question. His voice was different. Something was in it that she hadn't heard from him yet. Not anger, lust, understanding, or even empathy. Somehow it was all of them. With a hint of fear.

Do You? Did she? Was she sure? It took her a minute to process it. Emotions weren't her strong suit, still she knew love. Maybe not this kind, but it all tugged you differently.

"Yeah...I do..." She gave a small snort and looked up at him, her back straightening it in confidence. "I do."

But why? Sheila knew the question would be asked eventually. And truly, she couldn't come up with a solid, quick answer. It was for many reasons. She loved his flaws, his quirks, she loved how easy he could read her, she loved how gentle but strong he was with her. Hell, she even loved that he took the time to get angry with her. Most just left before any difficulty came up.

Carrion was difference. He was the darkness she found total comfortable with.

I love you, Carrion." her eyes couldn't blind, not now. She might lose sight of his reaction.

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[Carrion Rogue]

Rest with me and I'll comfort you
I've lived and I've died for you
Abide in me and I vow to you
I'll never forsake you.

I love you, Carrion

Those words were a mantra in his head, reverbreating off his skull and making him want to curl up somewhere dark and warm. Never to come out. Love was not a word in his vocabulary. Love was taboo. Love didn't really exist.

Love was a version of perversion. It was only for the lucky ones.

And he was never lucky.

How could someone love a shell of a man like him? He had no past. He had no future. He had no true 'home'. He had none of the things that would make someone human.

He didn't even know what his name was.

How could she love a nameless, faceless, immoral person such as himself?

"I..." His voice, the one thing that never failed him in tough situations, was now giving out. His expression read pure shock, his brain refused to function, and he couldn't find the words to speak. It was as though he were shutting down.

What was a man supposed to say when the woman he'd grown to care for told him she loved him?

There was no manual for situations like these.

The most logical solution would be to simply repeat the words back to her: I love you, too. But he wasn't a liar. He didn't know if he really did love her. He cared, sure, more than he had with any other person. But love was an entirely different thing.

Love, in human terms, tended to lead to marriage, and children, and a stable home, and a normal nine-to-five job, and even being together for the rest of their lives. Did he want that with her? The simplicity of a life like that seemed... dull. After living on the edge for so long, the white-picket-fence dream was not even on his radar.

But that 'being together forever' part? Yeah, he kind of liked the sound of that. He could handle waking up beside this woman everyday until the day he died. He could let her make this house her home as well. He could even see getting a damn pet with her. But marriage? Children? Both those things were much too dangerous.

He turned his focus back to her and took a deep breath before asking the only question that came to mind, "What is love to you, then?"

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[Sheila Louise Bradel]

Sheila stood there and watched him, her knees feeling weak. Of course it wasn't a good time to admit that to him. But when was a good time? Sheila had kept it bottled up inside for a while, making her stress level go up, which in turn meant a little bit more fighting with Carrion. She hated fighting with him, it made her feel sick.

What was love to her? It took a minute to process the question. It was as if he were asking 'how do I know'. Sheila had forgotten for a second that he was only a newcomer to this world, thanks to his memory loss. If she had to guess, he had forgotten what love was.

"Love to me is when I wake up when you're leaving the bed some nights to sleep elsewhere and I don't say anything or feel angry because I understand it. Or when I find myself smiling when I get off work because I can see you for five minutes before I go home." She took a breath. She could go on forever.

Sheila walked towards him, wanting nothing but to show him how she felt.
Her arms stretched to touch his, her fingertips on his elbows. She looked up at him, her breath catching in her throat.
"You make me feel like it's going to be okay." She whispered before standing on her tiptoes to kiss him.

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[Carrion Rogue]

Rest with me and I'll comfort you
I've lived and I've died for you
Abide in me and I vow to you
I'll never forsake you.

Her soft kiss was like a balm to him. A painkiller that surpassed all of the pills he'd thrown back. Sheila alone was the eye of the storm that surged beneath his skin. At this point in his life, he could hardly imagine going without her.

But did that mean he loved her?

He leaned into her kiss, but the trembling in his hands increased tenfold and the world pitched. He broke away from her, his eyes going wide under the tidal wave of pain that broke in his head.

One stumbling step back.

A second.

His hand caught the edge of the heavy maple table just in time for his knees to give out. Luckily, he was lined up with one of the few elegantly carved chairs and he landed hard in it. It felt as though someone had kicked the heat on full blast and constricted his chest. He couldn't get a breath of fresh air.

Russet eyes landed on the one person that could help him, but his vision distorted, black spots overcoming all light and color. He couldn't even gasp out her name.

The pain was too much, he would be out for days to come. Oddly enough, the last thought to cross his mind before he gave into the darkness was; 'It's a good thing I warned Lore.'

And then he was pulled under.

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[Sheila Louise Bradel]

Sheila watched in shock and discomfort as Carrion stumbled around, his eyes opening and closing like there was something behind them that wouldn't leave. She tried calling out to him, and he seemed to try and respond or at least call out, but it was too late. He was out cold. Sheila had run to him just in time for him to slump into her arms instead of on the cold floor. His body was radiating heat, and his face was distorted in pain.

Good thing she was a nurse.

Sheila tried to think for a minute, what she really needed to do was get him in the bed so she could at least check his temperature and pulse correctly. But how was she going to get a man that was bigger than her up a staircase and onto a bed?

Sheila wrapped her robe tighter around her and stood up straight, time to use her will power. She took Carrion across her shoulders, gripping his wrist with one hand and his slender side with the other. Her talons clamped onto him. He'd probably be a little sore after this.

It took around twenty minutes to get him safely up the stairs and in the bed. He owed her big time for that.

Sheila pressed his back against the bed and hustled over to the bathroom cabinet, searching for some pain relievers that she could give him. She found the medication he took for the lights and his headaches in his pocket down stairs, but she needed something stronger.

Quietly, she crept over to her bag and pulled out her cell phone. She never dreamed she'd ask her sister for help.

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